My mom and i never had this strong and intimate relationship as some others have. Ours is merely as standard as it can possibly be; doesn't exceed the boundaries of her looking after me and i, respecting and obeying her. In some occasions, we do talk in important matters but still, one can sense the presence of a tall barricade between us that requires me enormous strength to climb and to overcome. Having said this, alot of relatives ultimately question this relationship since i'm her only daughter.
But not long ago, approximately 2 years ago, i received my reality check lots of times when i thought i'll be leaving her and my family for another home. Even though i'm still here, but the fact that i might leave her one day mortifies me. That's why i started to adopt new methods to improve our relationship and most importantly, to have her as my best friend.
I began asking her out either for shopping or just hanging out instead of going out with my friends. Whenever i return home i sit with her and chat about even the silliest things i've encountered during my day so that i keep her on track of my life. I talk to her about my friends, my work, my co-workers, any ones certain behaviour, ask for her opinion and so on.
But i can't help but think that she makes nothing of my attempts . My estimation is that she sees our relationship as a good and normal mother-daughter relationship and therefore, doesn't need any help to improve.
As a result, most of my invitations are declined simply because "malha khilg" and instead, tells me to call my friends and go out! She lies there in the living room, doing nothing but watching TV, and i sometimes see her tired or upset and i offer her to go out for drink or simply for a fresh air and she replies: call your friends instead!
If i wanna go out with my friends i would have done it in the first place! I have absolutely no problem with it since they're all good-to-go when i call. But i just don't want to. And when she refuses my proposal, i sit with her with this urge of wanting to talk, but she falls asleep.
Now she's missing on all my shopping sprees, never getting the chance to argue over an outfit that she picks for me but i don't like. Or breakfasts\lunches\dinners in beauteous restaurants that i know she would love to eat in. Or watching me while i take pictures in the studios. Or even going to the market to buy groceries.
She's seeing the result rather than the cause which hurts me so deeply, and so profoundly but i just can't give up.
I need to be with her because i'm incapable of being around her only during night since my college and work are consuming all my day. And when i return home i see her asleep and looking exhausted by the house work she did which i couldn't help her with because i'm not in the damn house.
I don't wanna cry but i swear my heart is weeping. Hundreds of times i wanted to talk to her but the moment my foot steps next to the place where she sits my eyes tear, and i don't wanna cry.
What scares me the most is the fact that i might leave her one day and yet haven't fulfilled my wish. That's why i'm trying to take advantage of the least moment i can get a grasp of. Watching her cook or fell asleep or even call her to see if she needed anything from the super market. I'd do anything just to be near her or hear her voice because i'm not around.
It is my fault evantually for wasting 18 years being apart from her, i'm starting to feel.
About Me
- Ms Loala
- I'm a greedy girl who's eager for knowledge, experience, information, and gossip. Loves to be pampered and publicized for glamor. Adores attention but not to be put on the spot. Whines alot for the lack of perfection in the world. Freak for organization and order. Stubborn as a headstrong wall. Doesn't make sense at most of the times. Dramatic and day dreamer, contradicted? That's why they call me a distraught Diva!
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20 Interruptions:
Babe, that's normal from some moms - although me & my mom work together, she still misses alot of my activities & no matter how much I try to include her, she still says no. she too sits there in front of the TV most of the time & worries about my dad needing her for some - any thing.. that's why she doesn't go out much, bel 3ks that's better, 7amdellah she ain't like those "teenage" moms I see on the streets :/
Just sit there with her & discuss what she's watching; maybe then you can open the subject with her
i honestly get so jealous (not envious) when i see girls who have a great relationship with their mothers. i feel its useless i stopped trying to fix things up.. well i never tried to be honest.
why are you worried about leaving her? my mother never left hers.. we lived in her house for a while until we got our own, and now she lives with us, hopefully for many years to come.
Most here demand the traditional parent/child relationship so there is no friendship between mothers and daughters because they think it will undermine their authority. I too don’t have a strong relationship with my parents but Thank GOD I have a wonderful sister and brothers to compensate, they keep me going. Sometimes a close trust worthy friend is all you need.
have her read this post
or simply tell her exactly wat u told us
maybe she never had that kind of relationship with her mom and to her thats just the way things are
u have to let her see ur side of things
I agree with Eshda3wa. Talk to her. Tell her how u feel about this. Be direct about it, don't give her clues and just wait for her to guess wat it is u really want.
yeah me too girl .. just let it all out to her .. i know it can be hard .. but sometimes there are things that we cant see ... its right in front of our eyes yet its too hard to SEE them .. just hold her tight and tell her all of that .. tell her that you wana have something especial with her .. make her listen and understand .. if its too hard for you ... you can talk to one of your aunts and she can talk to her and get her your message .. its never too late .. and dont give up trying on her .. you have my prayers with you sweety :*
I'm an only child as well, and it hurts me when I see my friends and all their sisters getting along with their mothers. I tried getting close, and although my mother rarely declined the activity proposed, we ALWAYS end up fighting, even if we just sit at home and talk. She says I'm "not like other girls", I think it's because we're on extreme ends of the spectrum :/
I posted about my relationship with my mom a few months ago. they advised me to talk to her but talking was never my thing. ;\
I can't talk to her .. she just wouldn't understand.
so I just hug her every morning and do what she wants me to do. :P
life goes on.. 3ady tara its just a phase. ;)
:(.
I am so sorry dear. :(
I can imagine that the scariest thing about the whole thing is the fact that this is the only time that you can bond with her; the time before you get married and have a life of your own.
Good luck :(
It's ok babe .. as long as u r trying to reach a ground with her.
Some mums just can't get the doughter relation thingy.
For example, my relation with my father is way better than mine with mum .. My father cares more!
*HUG*
confront her, tell her how u feel.
Even if u cry. It's good to cry =)
It seems that you're beating around the bush instead of doing the real thing you want to do,which is telling her how you feel! you're trying to show it to her but she keeps missing the signals!
My advice to you is to pick an appropriate time and go talk to her..switch off the TV and ask her to listen to you!
Even if she thinks you're exaggerating dont give up..the key is to open up to her and she'll eventually understand,trust me she sounds like a really good mother,sweety.
Allah yaktiblukum illy feeh khair.
Ahh thats a touchy post..but I would say thats normal...its happens in between alot of parents and their kids..Just spend more time with her, things will get better :)
it's just really difficult to peel someone off of their routine.
good luck
Loala.. First rule to curb human behavior is to curb interests. Find out what she really wants to do.. (not what she likes to do; but wants to do) and do that with her. Anticipate her interests or maybe her predicaments; Watch her favourite show on TV and find details that might interest her; or like eshda3wa correctly said..make her read this blog. Well done eshda3wa!!
throught the years .. my relationship with my mom has been up & down .. we had it all .. bad times .. good, strong .. it depends on what happens.
Now .. its killing me that soon I'll be leaving her & there r alot of things i wanna get out of my chest :/ I just can't do that.
Sorry, I wouldn't know what to do, I'd probably give up quickly, but you keep trying. But don't forget this might be new to her too, she doesn't know what to do either.
Loala, I strongly agree with eshda3wa here... let her read this post. Maye your mom isn't really aware of your intentions to begin with! Maybe you need to tell her explicitly what you are trying to do so she can understand and appreciate
Honestly I have nothing to say but to wish you good luck.
I think you should talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's not going to be very comfy, you'd be nervous and all shivery and teary and stuff, but eventually you'll get the message across.
I've had a few rough years with both of my parents but eventually I broke down completely and just told them exactly how I felt and what I thought and it was just an absolute joyous ride from there onwards!
Good luck loala :D
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